I See You!

 Alone in the solace of my shower last night, I rose my fists to God as I have done countless times in the past. The shower is my quiet place and my confessional. The place where I talk to God and I hear him speak clearly. Perhaps in there I am vulnerable with nothing to hide and no where to run, or maybe it's the white noise of the water that drowns out everything around me. It's not the only place I hear God but it is where I am honest with Him. I have raised my fists in frustration and anger as well as impatience before, but tonight I rose my fists to God in a victorious "YES!" We did this! You did this! You answered my prayers and YOU. SEE. ME.The same way my youngest son "fist pumped" us from the court when he scored his very first points in basketball, or my daughter when she gets that perfect hit. From the stands we fist pump back with thee most satisfying "YES!" and victorious laughter because we know the back story. We are saying, "I've seen your faithfulness, blood, sweat and tears and my soul rejoices with yours!""I see you!"Sometimes my fists are raised in utter surrender and dependence on God. Parenting is hard. Relationships are hard. Life is hard. There are days I feel very alone and I wonder if He is even out there. Does He hear my prayers? Does He even care?  "ANSWER ME WHY DON'T YOU? I'M DYIN' HERE!!!!"  But deep in my spirit I know He sees me. The pieces of my mess are coming together and I can see the answers to my prayers. Practical prayers that I handed over to him, and deep soul prayers that I dared to utter in the wee hours of the night, when all hope seemed lost, are neither forgotten nor ignored.Because He sees me.I feel him helping me, carrying me and doing for me when I am weary.Strengthening me when I feel weak.Supporting me when it seems I am very alone.This is what it feels like to be in the will of God. Terrified and courageous at the same time.Weak, and also strong.There is peace in the middle of my tornado, calm in my whirlwind, and assurance of promises and victory."I see you."  He says, "Like I saw you when you were little,when you were 15, 19, 24 and 30 and I see you now. I see the tears and doubts and the sleepless nights."​"I see you.I love you.I am for you."    Dear friends, He cares for you and loves you too!  He sees you in the middle of the night, before the kids rise, in your car, and yes, even in the shower. It's ok to show your emotions, your anger and frustration, even doubt. He sees you. He already knows. He created you. Allow yourself to let Him see you, help you and bring you victory.  He is an ever present help in times of trouble and His invitation awaits.

Psalm 139God, investigate my life;get all the facts firsthand.I’m an open book to you;even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.You know when I leave and when I get back;I’m never out of your sight.You know everything I’m going to saybefore I start the first sentence.I look behind me and you’re there,then up ahead and you’re there, too—your reassuring presence, coming and going.This is too much, too wonderful—I can’t take it all in!Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?to be out of your sight?If I climb to the sky, you’re there!If I go underground, you’re there!If I flew on morning’s wingsto the far western horizon,You’d find me in a minute—you’re already there waiting!Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!At night I’m immersed in the light!”It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;you formed me in my mother’s womb.I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!Body and soul, I am marvelously made!I worship in adoration—what a creation!You know me inside and out,you know every bone in my body;You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,how I was sculpted from nothing into something.Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;all the stages of my life were spread out before you,The days of my life all preparedbefore I’d even lived one day.Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!God, I’ll never comprehend them!I couldn’t even begin to count them—any more than I could count the sand of the sea.Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!