How to Keep from Going Under
Well, ready or not, another school year has begun and my family is off and running. Monday morning had all six of us lined up on the starting blocks; startled by the abrupt early morning pistol pop, and out the door!
Some of us graceful, some of us grumbling, some of us tripping on our untied shoelaces, and me… standing in my robe, coffee in hand, tired and already feeling defeated.
There are a million things on my to-do list and the thought of tackling them is overwhelming.
I wonder sometimes, if I have some sort of adult-onset A.D.D or if I’m in the early stages of Alzheimer's. Probably not… but I most definitely suffer from Grocery Store Dementia I where you forgot what you came in for and also can’t find your car.) At the very least I am definitely going through some sort of hormonal change.
I daily lament the fact that I don't have the mind I had at 20 or 30, And I certainly don't have the body or the energy I had back then either.
I need help!
There are days where I don't know which thing on which list to do first. so instead I throw the lists in the air and watch Dr. Phil and eat cereal. Then of course I feel like a complete failure so I straighten the house and make some sort of fancy meal and cookies and say, “There! I did something.”
Then my husband askes in all honesty, “What did you do today?”
“Uhm, a little carpool, a little laundry, and way too much social media. Basically, I squandered my time because my mind spins all day like a wobbly quarter, awkward and slow, appearing to do something cool but then not really.”
"God...Make it stop or help it Go. Sometimes there is so much to pray about that I don't even know what to pray. This is when I know I need to turn to God and let the Holy Spirit take over.
I read in the Bible:
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. -Romans 8:26
Before bed, I collapse in a pile of empty nothingness on my shower floor crying out to God with “the groans too deep for words.”
Have you ever cried like that? Desperate for peace and clarity? I know it’s weird to say and you may have heard me say it before but, God speaks to me in my shower. (Sometimes when I am blow drying my hair, or in the laundry room with the fan on too. There is something about a “white noise experience” where all other sounds and voices are drowned out, but most definitely in my shower.)
I let the water run down my head covering my entire face. I can feel it trying to soak into my dry hair that is desperately in need of saturation. Much like my soul….
I can hear God say, “You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. I approve of you, I support you, and I make all things possible. Be still and know that I am God. Ask and it shall be given to you, knock and the door will be open. My answer is Yes and Amen. I value you and your value is in me and me alone. I have given you the mind will and emotions of Christ and through Me, you can accomplish all things.”
His words are refreshing and cleansing and invigorating and I emerge from my soapy confessional clear-headed and encouraged that I’ve in fact not gone crazy, I am just simply tired from trying to do everything in my own strength and manage everyone and everything and all my thoughts and issues (real and perceived), all on my own. This is not the way God planned it to be.
His burden is light and his yoke is easy and he says to cast all our cares upon him and be anxious for nothing because he cares for us! 1 Peter 5:7 Take a deep breathe and let God go before you and come behind you and watch as he brings friends and family alongside you who have your back and compliment you and who are for you. Strip away the distractions and be “sober-minded” focusing on the task at hand and the things that really matter. Take your to-do list and your scattered thoughts before the Lord and simply say, “HELP!” or“Please tweak this for me.”Maybe be more dramatic like me; offer your life up to him as a child with your dirty paint-stained hands, offering your proud preschool art project gone awry and hope he is gentle and kind in helping you make it something beautiful because He can see the vision you have in your heart.
You have not gone crazy. You just need help.
See the joy that God has put before you in the everyday work. In the miraculously mundane tasks that you find yourself in. In the homework and the carpool and the laundry (the stinky stinky laundry), While you ride the teen drama roller coaster and re-live “Groundhog Day”.
GIVE IT ALL TO GOD…. and watch him make it beautiful and simple and clear and possible.
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consolations delight my soul.
Psalm 94:19