When you're mad at your people
Today I am mad at my people. I feel like screaming and I actually just might!
"What’s wrong with YOU?"
"What’s wrong with ME??"
"Let ME tell YOU!"
YOU... ALL...STINK!!!
There is whining and selfishness and bad attitudes and strong wills and last worders and white liars. There is sass and backtalk and obstinance and defiance. There are bad sports and gloaters and proud peacocks and haughtiness.I am only one gal trying to make this work and I feel defeated and I am mad at them.
I am mad that all this junk seems to be literally directed at me just for asking and requiring (and inquiring) and basically trying to parent and lead. (God forbid). Sometimes I feel like I am walking a pack of Great Danes that don’t want to be walked. Well, news flash chick-a-dees... I don't really want to walk you that much either!
I am mad because I have taught them better.
I am mad because old habits remain.
I am mad because I am spoken to rudely.
I am mad because my word seems to carry no weight.
I am mad because I feel taken for granted.
I am mad because what I am trying to do in my head and heart doesn’t seem to be happening.
In fact, the opposite seems to be happening.
Is anyone with me?
So I puff up, (rightly so don't you think?) and start my sentences with, “Do you know what?” or "Fine then!" Also, "You should raise yourself! Because obviously, you don’t need a mom anymore! Congratulations." and the ever-popular, “What’s it like to be sooooo perfect?”
And then after exploding, and feeling slightly guilty but yet slightly justified, I resort to self-preservation. I tell myself,
“Don’t give them all of you. Pull back, treat them the way they treat you. Give them nothing and let them see how that feels! Do the bare minimum! What does the law even say you HAVE to give them? Food? (Probably not gluten and nitrate-free). Clothes? (Surely not from Nordstroms and American Eagle or even Target or Old Navy.) And shelter… don’t... even.... get.... me.... started!!!!
Because you basically live in a palace!"
The conversation continues."Why do you give so much to them when they are so horrible? Just stop. Don’t clean and cook and shop for them, or run them to and fro…. Bringing them things they forget or need. NO STARBUCKS RUNS OR ICE CREAM JUST BECAUSE.
Did you see how they looked at you? HE did not even say goodbye to you this morning. They really don’t deserve you."Then I realize I am not just listening to my own voice here.
I am now listening to the enemy.
I have let the devil on my shoulder speak louder than common sense, reality, or God. It is an age ole temptation that trips me up more often than I like to admit. "Doubt those who love you the most and believe the worst about them."
Mistrust, bitterness, and pride can feel like good girlfriends but in the end, they lead you down a lonely broken path of bad decisions and regret. I need a "come to Jesus" moment. I need a Holy Ghost pep talk. I need a WWJD discussion. (That’s, "What would Jesus do?") As corny of a phrase as it is, it's good advice. WHAT WOULD HE DO? Time and time again when Jesus was tempted, He responded to the devil with scripture. So I will do the same. I call it flying by my instruments. I resist the voice of the enemy and turn to the word of God as my compass. And as I do, my attitude begins to change and line up with God’s Word.
I read that when I was at my worst, (which was really bad!) Christ died for me! He gave his all and his best when I was at my worst. Hmmm. I read that I am to be kind and loving even when others aren't, that I am to lead by example, and overlook an offense. Hmmm. I read that children are a blessing. And a kind word is sweeter than honey and brings healing to those who hear. I read that if I resist the devil, he has to flee.
I will resist the enemy and his voice.
I will be the adult.
I will overlook an offense.
I will love unconditionally.
I will love the unlovable.
I will go the extra mile.
I will endure all things.
I will forgive 70x7.
I will lead by example.
I will hit the reset button (like I tell them to do, one to another.)
I like to be understood and given grace when I am at my worst,
so compassion, empathy, kindness, will be my new go-to girlfriends.
I love my family and the enemy would like nothing more than to cause division between us and bring down this home that I have asked God to help me build. Many times a week, I pray for my family that they will hear and listen to the voice of God and not the enemy. So I will do the same.
My oldest daughter texted me after a rough morning. She went first as she often does. I even held a little grudge, but she kept at it. She refused to listen to the enemy just like I taught her.
I guess I will keep them, feed them, and clothe them. For now anyway.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13