Slamming doors and tinker-toys- Being ok with noisy kids
When I was a teenager, my brother's best friend lived with us for a while because his family moved away, and he was finishing high school. He was our kind, sweet, comical friend who we love to this day. He nick-named us "The Loud Family."
That always struck me funny because I don't recall feeling necessarily loud at all. We were typical; mom, dad, older brother, and me. But when I look back, I guess I can see it.
When we are together, we all talk simultaneously; no one stops until he is the one left talking. We disagree and debate and laugh really loud and challenge each other’s viewpoints. Not Mom, though. She is the eternal peacemaker. Some might find it odd, but this dynamic is one of my favorite things about my family.
FLASH FORWARD TO THE PRESENT! My family now consists of Me, my husband Chad, Bekah, 10; Sam, 8; Adam, 4, and David, 3, and we give new meaning to the title "The Loud Family."
We are a much larger family than the one I grew up in, and I have a much larger home than the one I grew up in, so one would think that the noise level would be dispersed, but no, I think it just echoes! There is so much noise in my house from 6:15 am until 9:00 pm. We are just so loud! We talk loud, yell loud, laugh loud and cry loudly! We argue loudly, sing loudly, and play instruments loudly. David has even mastered the art of a "loud whisper!"
Refrigerators open loud, doors slam loudly, and little boys pretend to be cars, lions, superheroes, cowboys, and horses, all very loud! And my least favorite thing? Tinker toys that "accidentally" drop over the railing onto the hardwood floors. Tink, tink tinktinktink. Loud! I often wonder if the noise level in my house is normal.
I feel that I "shoosh" way too much. I am always shooshing. Sometimes, my heart is heavy because I shoosh laughter, singing, and enthusiasm. I shoosh my children, who constantly say, " Mom, ya know what?" in a sing-songy tone because I am exhausted and exasperated.
There are, of course, things that need to be dealt with in my children. They need to have manners, they need to be polite and respectful, and obey the rules. The required use of inside voices is not unrealistic, and asking them to talk to me one at a time isn't either. But I don't want to be exasperated to the point where my nerves are frazzled, and then EVERY noise drives me crazy. When I hit this point, where my "flesh" cries out, and I am upset at everyone, I know that I am no good to anyone, and it is time to go to God and change my attitude. Sitting before the Lord reminds me of a few scriptures that help me fight my irritability. The more time I spend in the presence of God, The sooner I feel the harshness soften and the frazzled nerves calm, and He gives me peace.
Mathew 11:28 "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart. And you shall find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy, and my load is light.
Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, Children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How BLESSED is the man whose quiver is full of them?
Ps 100:1 Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful singing.
Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine.
Mathew 19:14 Jesus said. Let the little children come to me, do not hinder them from coming, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.
I always wanted a big family, and I LOVE my big family. (someday, I will blog about the big family that almost was not and how wonderful God has been to me.) I dream of the days when everyone is grown and coming home for a holiday, the doorbell keeps ringing, and people keep coming in, slamming doors, cheering loudly, laughing, and maybe even "debating” a bit. Something out of a Hallmark movie!
The girls with their husbands and the boys with their wives, some grandkids crying maybe. But we gather in the kitchen to cook, pots and pans clanging, voices reaching over the noise. All the things I currently shoosh!
How can I expect to cultivate something that I am currently discouraging?
In Ted Tripp’s book, Shepherding A Childs's Heart, he speaks of the irony of child-rearing. He writes, “When children are little, we often fail to engage them in significant conversation. When they try to engage us, we respond with uninterested "uhHuh's." Eventually, they learn the ropes. They realize that we are not interested in what goes on in them. They learn that a "good talk" for us is a "good listen" for them. When they become teens, the tables turn. Parents wish they could engage their teens, but the teens have long since stopped trying.
May it never be for me, Lord!
God's word says in
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
I know that most of the time, I need a little break and some perspective. Of course, I can't let my children always run amuck yelling. But I want to learn to embrace my loud family because out of them flows life. God is all over these children; they are light and salt to a perishing world. I want to learn to cherish the abundant life that God has given me that is going on right here in my kitchen amidst the slamming doors and tinker toys.