Raising Resilient Kids

​When babies are first learning to walk, you see two types of parents. There are those who, every time their child falls or bonks their head, run and hold them and wipe their tears, (or scream, like me.) and quickly make it all better. Then there are the parents who make light of the situation so the child won't freak out.  You know the ones,  “You’re ok, you’re ok… silly coffee table!” Aside from screaming at the sight of blood, I think I fall somewhere in between. I remember growing up playing softball with my dad as the coach. I took a ball to the shin a few too many times and he would always say “You're all right… rub some dirt on it!’ Still not sure why we did that, but I would, and then wipe my tears with my red clay covered hand and then have red dirt tear streaks on my face as well as a huge (dirty) goose egg on my leg!Kudos Daddy-O, I’m one resilient chick!!!!  We all have a common goal though, we want our kids to know that they will be ok, they are strong, and they will survive.Sometimes when my girls, now both in high school, start to complain about their lives, I often say to them, ”Life is not that hard you guys!  Just stop complaining and choose joy.” This is never well received! In fact they hate when I say this and feel as if I’m trivializing their problems and that my simple little Band-Aid of an answer could not possibly stop the bleeding of their traumatic situation. I am not trying to trivialize their problems and I am very aware that they are in fact real, but I am more trying to put them in perspective I suppose. Nevertheless, they roll their eyes at my lack of understanding and compassion. I want so badly to let them know I have been where they are and I lived through it! I am here to tell them it will all be ok on the other side. I was a teen once… upon a time…. In a land far far away… where there was no technology or Google… Or Starbucks!!!But the other day my daughter hit a legitimate rough patch and I knew my “choose joy” speech was not gonna cut it here. So I changed my tune. I pulled her in close, looking side to side for eves droppers and said “Sweetie, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Life is actually really really hard! I mean it can just be one crazy crap storm after another after another! You’ve got to develop some thick skin to survive! You’ve got to learn how to duck, how to bob and weave and throw a few punches of your own.” (Well, probably don't punch at a crap storm but you get the picture.)But how exactly do I teach my little doe eyed softhearted beauty to fight the good fight. While all hell swirls around her head? A good friend told me one time to remember that the God I pray to who listens and cares deeply for me, is also the God of my children who listens and cares deeply for them and to entrust them to His care.I often pray for my children that they will have thick skin and soft hearts. This time i prayed with my daughter. Offering her scripture to use as weapons in her fight.Philippians 4:13. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.John 16:33. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."Hebrews 12:11. We don't enjoy being disciplined. It always seems to cause more pain than joy. But later on, those who learn from that discipline have peace that comes from doing what is right.Isaiah 41:10. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Nehemiah 8:10. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Be strong and courageous.Joshua 1:9. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.Deuteronomy 31:8. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."Just to name a few. The Bible is chock full of encouragement.​Because dear one, troubles WILL come… actual troubles… not just "whoa is me I can’t find a thing to wear", and you need to be able to weather them. But I can’t expect them to know all this anymore than a baby knows that they’ve, “got nothin to cry about!”And what about this term “Thick skin”? I certainly have some! But I know I wasn’t born with it. Maybe because my Dad made me “rub dirt on it?” Or because I grew up with a brother, or my parents did not run to me every time I fell. (Eh hem… literally and figuratively). But the term denotes something that happens over time, a weathering of sorts, some built up scar tissue or even a protective layer. Perhaps all of the above.How did I get thick skinned? By going through a few of my own crazy crap storms and surviving. There's nothing more empowering than survival and endurance.James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.Wahoo good news! Choose joy girls cuz this is making you strong!!!! (Aka thick skin!!!)I used to complain and get mad at God and wonder where the heck that left hook came from out of the blue, then an uppercut while I'm still reeling from the first one? Really? Come on!!!!  Can a girl even get a break? But then I read in the bible where it saysA righteous person may fall seven times, but he gets up again Proverbs 24:16​So I got up! And kept reading! And kept fighting! And survived!But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; My God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, The Lord will be my light. Micah 7:7-8And in this, my friends is where resilience is formed…where with God's help, we get thick skin but not a broken spirit.Fight through the crap Survive Learn Grow RepeatAs hard as it is, we need to let them go through some crap (you can stand just outside the splash zone or get in there with them) and KNOW that they are strong. Sense the presence of a mighty God who is on their side and in this with them, and together they are able to overcome the world.One (fighting the storm) gives them thick skin, and the other, (the help of a mighty God) will keep their heart soft and grateful and open and resilient.

James 1:12

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.