Generational Hand-me-downs
This past weekend my girl friend and I took our moms on a little getaway. We had such a wonderful time laughing, eating, shopping and enjoying some much needed rest, but what I came away thinking about the most was how both pairs of mother and daughter favored one another. As I watched my friend interact with her mom, I was tickled and intrigued by how alike they were. Sure she looks like her mom, but more than that, her mannerisms, voice inflections, and other little traits I enjoy, could now be seen on display in her mom. They admitted they had the same fun watching me and mymom as we sat at the breakfast table legs crossed left over right, both holding our coffee cup with two hands as if warming them and laughing in sync.My mom is sweet and gentle, kind hearted and thoughtful and most often I don't see what others see. I can be crass, loud, angry and selfish so I find it to be a high complement when people say I favor my mother. I do knowI am "my mother's daughter" however and I often feel like her as I go about my day. I hear her voice when I speak kindly to my husband, laugh with my girls, or read aloud to my boys. The older I get, (uh-humm) I see her in the mirror too.What is interesting to me though is that none of this was intentionally taught. She did not spend time teaching me to cross my legs left over right, laugh twice, lean in, lean out then sigh.... (That's how we laugh!) We often wear our hair the same, prefer certain styles, and neither of us, including the teen now, like to wear collared shirts, again, no one taught this.I need to start my day with Good Morning America, and a hot cup of Joe. Why? Probably because I saw my mom do it for just a few years! The list really does go on and on....My children physically resemble their daddy and all have his perfect button nose, (that I prayed for each time I was pregnant!) and his scary brain and athletic ability. I'm in there somewhere! Perhaps in the form of thick hair, thick heads, and a quick wit? But what are we subconsciously, unintentionally, passing down to them during the course of the day, week after week, month after month and year after year in the form of emotional, spiritual, and generational DNA?Three thoughts on the matter:I am passing values down just by living them out.My children are watching my every move.This is going to happen, so I should make the most of it.Will they love God because I do? Love justice the way I do? Will they have oodles of character like their daddy? I am hopeful and believe so because these things are a way of life. In this house we do kindness, we do Jesus, we do fun. Sometimes purposefully, sometimes just because it is in our DNA. We do love, we celebrate success, we comfort and I beam with pride when I see these traits displayed in my children.On the flip side there are some traits that I would like to see less of. I yell, they yell. I judge they do too. I have a spicy vocabulary, well, you know... These are the moments when I am not so proud and I worry. This is when I pray that God would help me. "Help me Jesus to obtain for myself excellent character in order to pass it on! Help me to be purposeful with my actions and careful with my words." I find myself once again in the Word of God for help.the Bible says :Psalm 141:3Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;keep watch over the door of my lips.and also this:Ephesians 5:15"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise."and an "oldie" but a goodie,Proverbs 22:6" Train a child up in the way he should go and when he his old, he will not depart from it."My mom always encourages me when I am obsessing over ruining my children. She says this," Your children will remember the general tone and spirit of family in your home, not the few times you made a mistake or acted unbecoming." (emphasis on "few times") Oh how true this has been in my own upbringing and I pray that God affords my kind, thick headed, smart, spicy family the same grace.Psalm 145:4Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power.