Four Simple Ways to Ruin Christmas for Your Kids
I have learned over the years that the excitement of the holiday season can bring about some pretty dramatic and frustrating emotions in children. I would even go so far as to say it produces anxiety. Particularly strong-willed children and those already wound a little tight (if you know what I mean.) All the everything just gets to be a bit too much.
As the parent of strong-willed children, I dreaded the holiday meltdowns. I would brace myself around the second week of October and not exhale until mid-January, when I had put all traces of celebration away, and we were detoxing and back to normal.
Here is what I’ve learned about the strong-willed child: Structure is key. Routine is key. The less excitement, build-up, and surprise, the better. Good nutrition, patience, and “knowing your child” also come into play.
Jen Hatmaker penned a blog years ago about children who sabotage big events, and it resonated with me. She encouraged us to keep big days (and seasons) simple. and not to over-schedule or over-hype things. I could not agree with her more!
The season's excitement can get the best of even the most agreeable child (and some adults, for that matter.) For me, there are a few biggies that can ruin the holidays for you and your kiddos:
Overdoing it. - It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, leaving you and your kiddos overwhelmed and overstimulated. There are events, activities, and parties, and then there’s shopping, baking, and decorating. You can have a “thing” every day or night for weeks. It messes with the family routine, which can be very unsettling for some children. The never-ending excitement and the Go! Go! Go! pace of things can be too disruptive. Don’t over-schedule yourself, and don’t let excess take over.
It helps to know your family’s limits. We were always a hot mess if we did too much in one weekend, let alone all holiday season. We required lots of downtime to recharge and refuel. We didn’t then and still don’t do well when we run on empty or push ourselves to exhaustion and stress.
Knowing your limits and setting boundaries is a good idea. Be okay with saying “No” to some things. Try picking just a few of your favorite activities and making them meaningful for the whole family. Check with family members and make sure the pace of life during this season is okay with them. If not, slow it down. You’ll be glad you did. Or the whole season might look like one big Toddler Target meltdown. (Ask me how I know…)
Overlooking the true meaning of Christmas. When did Christmas become so flashy and material? There were years when we were too busy, and I was left empty when everything was said and done. I wondered if I had given Jesus his due. Did the family know we were celebrating the coming of King Jesus? Would I celebrate a family member’s birthday with lots of busyness and flash but forget to honor them? Absurd!
Don’t overemphasize the importance of the party and gifts and lists, and forget The Reason for the Season. Try slowing things down and focusing on Jesus and his birth. Get some good storybooks or movies that tell the Christmas story well or just read straight out of the Bible. Talk and pray about what you learn, and enjoy the wonder of the miraculous season because it is a huge deal! Go to church together as a family and honor the Lord in that way. Focusing on Jesus brings perspective, peace, hope, and unity.
3. Overloading them with sugar. This was a big one for me. (it’s not so much with my older kids, so there’s hope, but still a good idea.) Some folks think sugar does not affect kids adversely. That’s fine. Maybe it doesn’t for you! But I tell you, I could video my kids (all of them) before, during, and after a fair amount of sugar, and the proof would be evident. During the holidays, they would act like maniacs holding me hostage while I painstakingly entertained my relatives.
I think this is one of the biggest reasons I dreaded celebrating with “treats” One year, I was at a Christmas event where there were crafts, cookies, hot chocolate, and Santa Clause to take pictures with. All the kids ran around so overstimulated and over-sugared that they ignored Santa. Imagine! I had to round them up and point them in the right direction like we were playing a drunken pin-the-tail on the donkey game.
And then sometimes…. we scold them for their behavior. Dare I suggest we just have a special treat on Christmas Eve? Okay, maybe once a week? Just saying…
4 Overlooking them. One summer, my son was particularly difficult while on a family vacation. Looking back, I could tell he was overwhelmed and anxious from being out of his comfort zone and going, going, going with lots of stops and family visits. (Also, lots of fast food.) The situation finally exploded, and I told him that his bad attitude was ruining everybody’s fun time ( not my best moment, but that’s not the point right now!), to which he responded.
“WELL, IT HASN’T BEEN A FUN TIME FOR ME!!!!!!”
I then realized that one person’s version of fun might not be everyone’s. Of course, as parents, we can’t please everybody, especially in a large family, but I know when I am distracted, busy, stressed, rushed, late, cooking, wrapping, and drinking, all with the best intentions and with the kids in mind, right?
In those moments, my children did not have my attention. They felt bored, ignored, unimportant, and overlooked. If it’s all about the kids, then let’s let it be all about the kids. What do they need? What makes it meaningful to them?
Friends, It’s hard, I know. Ugh! I wish it could be simpler. Our holiday season probably will never look picture-perfect, but we can make it memorable for our kiddos without all the drama. Without the meltdowns.
The goal is to give thanks to God and focus on the birth of our Savior. That’s it! You get to control what else you add in. Know your family, get a good read on them, and in doing so, make sweet memories.
Everything Should Be Made as Simple as Possible, But Not Simpler
-Albert Einstein