Being Right or Reconciled
My days have been about reconciliation lately. In my own life and that of my family. I've been helping people see the view points of others while giving validation to theirs. Not a small task. Relationships rarely are. I have navigated for friends and rode the swells of my own relationships and most recently found myself standing arms wide out between my oldest daughter and my sweet hubby, both of whom tower over me making me feel like a teeny tiny useless traffic cop.I want to hit the pause button, freeze frame everyone, step out like a narrator and ponder a few things with you. What's more important, being right or being reconciled?It's a tough question to answer, especially regarding children. Especially in the heat of the moment. Especially when you know you're right.You may know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're right during an argument but should that really be your focus? Are you willing to stubbornly stand your ground no matter what the cost? Isn't the relationship itself more important than being right? The people in my life are precious and priceless. I love them fiercely, need them desperately and can't live without them. How long then am I willing to let animosity get between us and risk a breech in our relationship possibly causing permanent damage. What if instead of "seeing red" when angered, we looked into the other persons heart and saw things from their point of view and took their thoughts and emotions into account? What if we gave others the benefit of the doubt and extended them grace and spoke with kindness on our tongue? What if, like it says in the Bible, we were "quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger". Is there a way to move towards forgiveness and reconciliation with those who rattle our cage and push all our buttons?My son is passionate and firey like me. He will say "I don't love you anymore!" when we fight. He will even say "I hate you!" The teen will spin on her heals and say "I am done with you people!" I know they don't mean it but it hurts and everything in my wants to say it back and lash out. But instead, I take a deep breath, pray a desperate prayer and say things like, " Well that 's too bad, because I love you!" or I know you don't mean that and I understand you are mad." and. "Ok, I can see that you need some space, I will be right here if you change your mind."One response will drive a wedge and do damage, the other will diffuse anger and pave a way back. Sometimes we argue with our spouses about piddly things that don't matter and then wonder, how we got so far down the road of hurt and pain, taking jabs, throwing low blows and standing our stubborn ground. Well after all, we are right damn it!Jesus was right 100% of the time. He was the Messiah. The son of God. The Savior of the World and His mission was reconciliation. He was misunderstood, and wrongly accused by an angry mob who eventual killed him. He did not defend himself or unleash his wrath but instead cried out, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."He was focused on forgiveness and reconciliation between a lost world and a loving God.I want my life to be about reconciliation.I want to pave a way back for my family and let them know that my door and my arms are wide open and they are always welcome here. I want my second chances to be infinite and my love to be unconditional. I want this path to point them to Jesus.For my girls, for my boys, for my husband.I will listen more and try to live peacefully with my family, encourage and build them up. The world is hard, relentless and unforgiving and tears them down all day so I will extend empathy. I will overlook an offense (or two or three) and my goal will be reconciliation before the sun goes down. Oh such lofty aspirations for this tiny traffic cop I know. But when I consider my options and the thought of living my life choosing to be right and bitter and angry and stiff-necked towards those I love, versus moving towards reconciliation and the blessings of God that come with it, my aspirations seem attainable and it fills my heart with joy and hope for our future.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.-