Has it really been a year and a half since I blogged last? I am going to calculate it like a baby and say 15 months. That sounds better! I just said to my mom, “I am a loser!!” To which she replied, “You are not a loser dear, you have just been busy!” Thanks Mom!
What always frustrates me about myself is how I can get so into something whether it be working out, ( I had a lady at the gym the other day say, “So how long have you been working out?” Which made me smile awkwardly and say, “Oh… ya know… off and on for about 30 years now!” ) Or eating healthy, or trying to read the bible through as a new years resolution, or… sigh… blogging. ( I really love to do all these things. Really I do!!) And then having them fizzle or fall to the way side months later. The problem is not that I am busy. No, the problem is that I don’t set out to do anything in moderation. I decide, not to work out but to “train for a marathon” If you know me, you know I am still paying for that one!
Or not just eat healthy, but turn the whole family into vegans who eat umboshi plums and flax seed for breakfast. That was not good either as there are big men in this house who will come after me with forks chanting “GIVE US STEAK!!!” And the bible thing, well, I think I may have accidentally read it all the way through in my years of failed attempts… Maybe! And with blogging, well, everyone blogs now so why is my blog important or special? Who even cares that I am out here? Because once again, my desire is not just to blog or journal, but to write a book, about Christian living! No wait, about strong willed children! No, marriage! Oh, never mind! 15 months later, nothin but a broken hip, rotten plums and dust on my bible. Oh, and a neglected blog site.
The world is loud. It shouts for me. there are 4 lunches to be made, a house to keep tidy, kids to drop off, groceries to buy, laundry to do. There is choir and volleyball and basketball and football, and a traveling husband. There is Women’s Bible Study, and teen studies, play dates and doctors appointments. There are fellowship and life groups and Sunday school and let’s not forget to love our neighbors as ourselves. Then there are emotional needs to be met for 5 people, disciplining to be done, manners to be taught and rules to be enforced. And if you know me…. There is mandatory fun to be had… damn it!!!! And in the world of pie charts and graphs, we can see that there is not much left over for hobbies and the sort. It reminds me of a scene from the children’s movie “A Bugs Life”. An older bug says to a younger one, “This is our lot in life, it’s not a lot, but it’s our life”.
The good news for me is that I do believe, with all my heart, that I was created by God to run this family, love this man and raise these 4 ridiculously fabulous children. This is my calling and my career. I was educated as a teacher and also trained as a minister and actually do both on a daily basis. But this, these people…. I dreamt of and prayed for. I have watched God make my wildest dreams a reality and here I am 15 years into it and have never been so happy and grateful to God.
But when I sit before God, ( with the Bible open to wherever HE takes me) content and happy with my little life. I talk to Him. “God, I like to work out, it makes me feel good. I also like cooking healthy meals and trying new things with the family, can you help me make time for that?” Not running marathons or becoming a vegan… because that is not who I am or what I am called to do!!!! God also know that I have always like to write, when I was little I would makes books and set up a shop in my closet and have my family come and peruse my selections. God put that in me!!! If there are books in me, He will bring them out in His timing. I sit and ask Him, “God, I love to write, can you help me find time to write!” That’s it, not 3 books in a series about parenting or christian living etc…. “just help me find time to write”. Then the frustration and condemnation lifts, and the Lord multiplies my time. He brings me balance and I love my family, I work out, I feed them healthy food, and lo and behold, I write.
Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.